All By Me Onesies
by broadwaybaby529
Summary: Semi Pirates of the Caribbean x Harry Potter. They had no choice in coming here, and now, with magic that spans almost half a millenium, they must work along side their new found friends to get home. Only problem is one person. SB/OC RL/ OC.


**Dedicated To: **This is for my dear darling Anita Leon Marina Bermudez Farin Tudor Johnson Dumas Cortez Sparrow. With love, your twin.

**Disclaimer: **Based on Harry Potter with an accidental dash of Pirates of the Caribbean and sprinkled with Kayla's genius.

**Author's Note: **There's a very good chance that this will turn out Mary-Sue esque. It's on purpose, I swear. The girls are Kayla's. I didn't make them up either.

**Rating: **M, just in case. I mean, most of my pieces end up that way anyway.

**Warnings: **Language, smut? And probably slash because that's just how I roll. Very AU.

All By Me Onesies

The Order was seated around the main dining room of the Burrow when they appeared. It was the strangest of days even before their arrival and in some ways that dulled the rather unexpected drop in of two very strange characters.

" Why do we need to have three aurors on watch?" Sirius' voice demanded. "The War is over. It's Harry's bloody birthday. Let the poor boy be home with his family." Kingsley winced. Sirius had pushed him into a rather hard spot. How was he to deny the boy birthday with his family when it was all thanks to him the war was over? He was opening his mouth to respond when a sudden poof and the loud sound of bickering overtook the kitchen of the Burrow.

"Zelda Marie, you can't go around my pub acting like a prostitute. I'm going to have to let you go if that kind of behavior continues." The girl now identified as Zelda Marie had long curly hair and an enormous dress that looked like someone decided to use the fabric from the breast to instead make the dress reach the floor and a little more. This resulted in a rather obvious view of her impressive cleavage that looked pressed as though it were squeezed into a corset.

"But Anita" She replied, she had a heavy Italian accent and seemed to accentuate all of her vowels. " I try I really do, the boys they just are silly. They mean nothing like that to me." From the way she spoke it was rather clear that English was not her first language. Anita, a beautiful girl of just a few years older then Zelda Marie, looked annoyed. "You were having sex in the rum cellar." She replied crossly. Her accent, though less pronounced then Zelda's was distinctly Spanish and made her sound very hot tempered.

"There was no money involved" Zelda replied. Before Anita could answer however, a very irate Molly Weasely interrupted them. " What are you women doing in my house?" She demanded.

"Your house?" Anita replied hotly. "This is my pub. I own this place." She took a minute to look around and slowly it dawned on her that they were in fact, not in her pub.

"Where are we Anita?" Zelda asked, all traces of their fight totally gone.

"You're in England" Sirius replied. " 2009." The two girls laughed.

"2009?" Anita asked. " Don't joke about these things. It is the year 1489"

"Severus, could you please fetch some truth potion," Molly asked. " I do believe these girls are telling the truth."

Zelda and Anita were led into the living room where they were each given a cup of clear liquid. " Vodka?" Zelda asked hopefully. Snape shook his head. " No girl." He replied curtly. When he turned his back, she stuck her tongue out at him.

" Tell us your names" Remus told the two as he pulled up a chair and flipped it so he was straddling the back.

Anita sighed. She really had a pub to get back to and honestly had no idea what was going on. " My name is Anita Leon Marina Bermudez Farin Tudor Johnson Dumas Cortez Sparrow." She replied. " And this is Zelda Marie." Remus cocked his head at her name. " How old are you two?" He asked finally.

" I'm 24" Zelda Marie replied. " And Anita is…" Anita stuck her hand over Zelda's mouth but it was to no avail, she spit out the words anyway. " 31" Remus chuckled.

"Why are you two here?" He finally asked them.

"Well," Anita began. " We were at my pub and then all of a sudden, we were here."

"It's very pretty here." Zelda said. "Prettier then Anita's pub." Anita glared at the girl and then turned back to Remus. "What's your name?" She asked. " Where are we, how do we get home?

"One question at a time." He replied. "My name is Remus John Lupin. That there is my best friend Sirius Black. Are you two best friends?" He asked. Zelda Marie gave a sad smile. " I have no one else to be friends with." She replied, "She is my only friend and so she is my best." At this Anita gave a slight look of guilt for her earlier dismissal of the younger. " Aside from my son," She replied, " Zelda is my best friend." This made Zelda look rather elated and she sat up a little straighter.

"Mr. Lupin?" She asked finally. " What is this stuff you made us drink? It certainly tastes no good. Less good then rum does." Remus, not knowing what rum was, ignored that part of the comment and simply replied, " Please, call me Remus" He began, then added " It's a sort of truth serum, you don't have a choice but to tell the truth."

"Does that mean you're a wizard??" Zelda asked, her face glowing as she sat the end of her chair. "People call Anita a witch, but she won't show me none of her magic, says it's no good for me to see it."

"You're a witch?" Remus asked quickly. Anita made a face of both annoyance and frustration. " Why does everyone insist on asking me such a silly kind of question?" She demanded. Remus decided to test and see if the girls were really of magical sorts, after all, they were from the past. "Watch this then ask me that again." He told Anita, and pulled out his wand. With a quick flick of his wrist, he lifted the flowerpot from across the room and brought it over to them. Holding it in his hand, he then turned it into a small bowl of grapes.

"How is that happening?" Zelda asked. She reached for a grape and popped it in her mouth without invitation. "I've heard about your type." Anita said. " You can harness your powers for the likes of such things." Remus nodded.

"The magic world extends back for centuries and centuries, there's a very good chance that your family is magical. And her?" He indicated to Zelda.

" I believe she posses some of the qualities as well," Anita replied. "One of the main reasons I keep her around."

"Remus" They heard the voice of Sirius Black say as he entered the room. "Please introduce me to the two fine young ladies you have here." He walked into view and Zelda gave a small shriek.

"He's just like Jack Sparrow." She whispered in shock.

"Captain Jack Sparrow" The three voices of Anita, Remus and Sirius said in unison. The room went silent.

A/N: I'll be making some longer chappies in the future, I promise. Reviews=Nice. I'll give you cookies: D

Thanks for reading

Ruby


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